Note: The text below is the transcript of the YouTube video above.
Introduction
Lately, the world feels a little too loud to me.
People speak so quickly, react so strongly, and sometimes words can hurt people before we even realise it.
And in this divided world, I started wondering if there might be something Japan can teach us.
When I think about that, the first thing that comes to mind is not actually the kind of Japanese culture people usually imagine.
It is something much smaller than that.
It’s things like how people use words.
How they talk to each other. How they apologise. And how sometimes, they choose not to say everything they could.
I lived in London for a while, and now I’m back in Japan. And I notice things about Japanese culture I never really saw before, more than I ever did when I was younger.
One of the things I’ve been feeling a lot lately is the sense of respect and consideration that lives inside the Japanese language.
I feel like division doesn’t only start with the big fights we see on the news. It can start much closer to us, in small, everyday ways.
Anyway, I don’t want to make this a heavy conversation. Today, I just want to talk about something much more everyday. Something really small.
I want to talk about the respect that lives in Japanese words and everyday conversations, and the small acts of consideration we might be able to bring back into our everyday lives.
And just to be clear, I’m not saying Japan is perfect.
There are many things I find difficult about Japan too.
But today, I’d like to look at one good thing Japan can remind us of.
Hi, I’m Satomi Takayama. I’m a Japanese artist based between Japan and London, and I share inspiration from my creative journey through Japanese aesthetics, craftsmanship, travel, and quiet ways of seeing the world.
Language, Character, and Behaviour
So, when I think about what makes Japanese people Japanese, I feel like one big part of it is actually the language.
If you’ve ever been to Japan, you might have noticed that everyday interactions here feel really polite and careful. When someone asks for a favour. When someone apologises. When someone expresses gratitude.
Of course, not everyone is polite all the time. There are definitely exceptions.
But I think one of the things behind that politeness, one of the things that shapes how Japanese people act, is a sense of respect and consideration for the other person that’s naturally built into the Japanese language. There’s this quiet awareness of whoever you’re talking to.
The way I see it, language shapes our character, and our character shapes our behaviour in some way.
So if we just shift the way we talk a little, maybe the way we face other people shifts a little too. That’s kind of the hypothesis I want to explore today.
For example, Japanese has a formal register, and within that formality there are actually three different types. There’s honorific language, which is used to show respect to the other person. There’s humble language, where you lower yourself in order to elevate them. And then there’s polite language, which is just for expressing things in a careful, considerate way.
The same verb can be said differently depending on who you’re talking to and what the situation is.
And Japanese people are taught this from a young age, until it just comes out naturally, without thinking, depending on the situation.
But beyond that, there are so many set phrases in everyday Japanese that carry respect and consideration for the other person, almost built right in.
Wazawaza: Noticing Someone’s Effort
Take the word wazawaza, for example.
It’s a really short word, but it carries a lot.
In Japanese, we can add wazawaza when we thank someone.
For example, a simple “thank you for coming” becomes something closer to, “thank you for taking the time and effort to come all the way here.”
Or “thank you for reaching out” becomes something closer to, “thank you for taking the time to contact me, even though you didn’t have to.”
I use this word a lot myself, and I feel like it’s such a deeply Japanese expression.
It’s not just “thank you.”
It carries this feeling of, “You didn’t have to do this, but you still took the time, the effort, and the care to do it for me. And I noticed that.”
If the context is already clear, we can even just say “wazawaza arigatou.”
You don’t have to explain everything.
That one word already holds the feeling of recognising the other person’s effort and care.
Okagesama De: Gratitude Beyond the Self
Another word I love is okagesama de.
In English, you might translate it as “thanks to you,” or “thanks to everyone’s support.” But I feel like it holds something a little deeper than that.
Say you weren’t feeling well, and someone asks, “Are you okay? How are you doing now?”
In Japanese, you might say, “Okagesama de, I’m doing so much better.”
But it’s not just because that person came to visit, or did something big for you. It’s more like,
Thank you for worrying about me.
Thank you for thinking of me.
I’m doing better now, and I’m grateful for the care and support around me.
All of that is tucked inside that okagesama de.
And if I’ve done something like hosted an event or given a presentation, and someone asks, “How did it go?” you might say, “Okagesama de, it all worked out really well.”
In that case too, it’s not just your own effort. It’s the support of the people around you. And there’s almost a little hidden message of “thank you for asking” tucked in there too.
So okagesama de carries this sense of humility and gratitude, the feeling that your health, your success, your everyday peace, none of it is something you created on your own.
In Japanese, this kind of consideration for others, this gratitude, this humility, often exists as a single word or a short phrase.
That’s what I think is so beautiful about the Japanese language.
Even if expressions differ from language to language, I do think the human feelings they carry have a lot in common.
Words, Care, and Online Communication
So what I think really matters is not just saying “thank you.”
It is showing, even in a small way, that you don’t take the other person’s time or care for granted.
I think when we can put that small care into words, it enriches both people a little.
In this day and age, when you’re online and you can’t see the other person’s face, things can turn into attacks so fast. And in those moments too, I think it would help if we could just imagine, even a little, what the person on the other side might be feeling.
Of course, having your own opinions is important.
But at the same time, in everyday life, I ask myself whether saying everything we think, exactly as we think it, actually makes anyone happier.
The Japanese Sense of Apology
Japanese has a lot of different phrases for apologising, and you use different ones depending on the situation.
“Sumimasen.” “Gomen nasai.” “Shitsurei shimashita.” “Moushiwake arimasen.” “Moushiwake gozaimasen.”
Each has its own subtle nuance, and the one you choose can actually affect how the apology comes across.
And in Japan, apologising is not only used to admit that you were wrong. It is also used to smooth out the atmosphere, or to keep a small crack between people from getting bigger, even when you are not necessarily saying, “This was entirely my fault.”
Of course, taken too far, that can become a bit much. So I’m not saying all of it is good.
But when I was living in London, this is just my personal experience; I felt like I heard people apologise less often than I do in Japan. Between close friends, it’s probably different, but I noticed it especially in public spaces or in service situations.
Of course, different cultures have different ways of thinking. Apologising can feel tied to legal liability, or to weakness, or to putting yourself in a vulnerable position. So I do think how you go about it matters.
But when something is clearly your fault, or when you feel like you’ve caused someone trouble, I think you still need to be the one to take that first step, even if it’s someone you’ll never see again.
From the receiving end, it can look like the person is just focused on protecting their own interests, or that they just don’t want to deal with the situation properly. And if a small thing like that creates a rift, if it ruins someone’s whole day, that’s just really sad, isn’t it?
I think this is one of those things kids can do naturally, but somehow as adults, ego and pride and self-protection creep in, and it gets harder.
So I do have to check in with myself every now and then on whether I’m actually doing it.
I definitely apologise more when I’m in Japan.
When I am in London, I’d kind of slip into this combat mode. I think the environment has a lot to do with it, but I also feel this pressure to adapt to what is around me.
So I know it’s not something you can just switch overnight.
But still.
Don’t you think it’s actually cooler to apologise first? And imagine a world where that just became the norm — wouldn’t that be kind of amazing?
Someone who can imagine how the other person feels, and just take one small step back.
Someone who isn’t just focused on protecting themselves, but who tries to smooth things over with the other person.
I feel like a world with more people like that would be just a little more gentle, a little more peaceful.
Quiet Strength
You don’t have to abandon your own opinion. But that doesn’t mean you get to hurt people either.
In the end, I think it all starts with a small consideration for the person in front of you.
I’m still very much a work in progress on this. But when I feel like snapping back at someone, I try to think about what might be going on in their life. Maybe they’ve been unwell for a long time. I try to ask myself whether I did something wrong. Maybe the way I said something last time came out harsher than I meant. Maybe I could just apologise first and ask what’s going on.
Just that might slowly start to change the world around you.
You can’t change other people. But choosing to be a bit more patient, a bit more tolerant, that’s something you can control.
And I think that can make life feel a lot less stressful.
Division doesn’t only come from the big conflicts we see on the news. Sometimes, it begins much closer to us, in everyday conversations.
So how we talk to the person right in front of us.
What words we choose.
Not just saying “thank you,” but how we actually convey that gratitude.
Where we choose to hold back.
Being loud or always having a quick comeback, that’s not the only kind of strength.
Sometimes, being quietly composed is so much stronger.
The strength of not saying everything.
The stillness of not reacting right away.
That’s not weakness. I think that’s actually a kind of strength.
And in those small things, I think there’s a respect that the world is starting to forget.
Learning Between Cultures
Of course, Japan has so much to learn from other cultures too.
Living in the West, I learnt how important it is to have your own voice.
I learnt that it is okay to disagree.
I learnt the value of personal freedom.
And I love how people in the West express emotions so physically, so dynamically.
Hugging. Showing joy so directly when you feel it. Conveying warmth and affection not just through words, but through your whole body.
In Japan, that kind of physical expression is often more restrained. And when I was living in London, that kind of expression gave me a lot of comfort.
So I don’t think one side is right and the other is wrong.
It’s more about learning from the good things each culture has to offer.
And about believing that even in someone very different from you, there’s something to learn.
I think that’s what really matters right now.
I hope that having genuine curiosity about each other’s cultures and looking for the good in each of them, can be one small thread that slowly changes this chaotic world.
And now, I hope to connect what I’ve learnt from both of those worlds through video, through writing, through art, and someday through a space I’d love to create.
I think your culture also holds wisdom that this world needs right now. So if you feel like it, please share in the comments what you think your culture can teach us today.
I’ll also be writing more about Japanese culture and these kinds of themes in my newsletter. If you’re interested, the link is in the description.
Thank you so much for watching today.
See you in the next video.
